Getting Out of Your Own Way

Joseph Bennette, anxiety consultant in Salem, Oregon, published an article in his newsletter on how to deal with self sabotage (republished here with permission):

Getting Out of Your Own Way

For most of us, the biggest problem we have in manifesting what we want is ourselves - we get in our own way. I think I know what I want to do, yet I find myself thwarting my own efforts - self sabotage. What’s more, I find myself judging myself for all that sabotage saying, “It’s my fault. I didn’t do what I was supposed to do to make this work.” blah, blah, blah.

The answer to this problem is almost sickeningly easy - just get out of your own way!

Okay, now you ask, “...and how do I do that?”

That’s a mighty good question - one to which you already have the answer (don’t you just hate it when someone tells you that?).

What you don’t have is the key or conscious awareness of that answer. Perhaps you will find it in this article. That is my intent and hope for you.

So, I’ve devised a simple little writing exercise that might bring about an awareness and assist you in finding the key to getting out of your own way. Just fill in the blanks:

1. The ways I sabotaged myself today (or yesterday) are: [nice long list] Example: “I procrastinated again and missed a golden opportunity to call a prospective client - thereby losing a great business opportunity...”

2. The choices I made that brought about the ways I sabotaged myself today (or yesterday) are: [get creative here - what was I thinking? what were my unconscious choices based upon the results I experienced? - that kind of thing] Example: “I chose to procrastinate because I feel afraid to call...”

3. The feelings I chose to feel within myself as a result of the sabotage are: [list them all - down and dirty] Example: “I choose to feel afraid.” “I choose to feel not good enough.” “I choose to feel lazy.” etc. Make sure you include your physical sensations associated with your emotions: “My stomach churned when I thought about making the call...” etc.

4. Now the kicker - look at your lists and say to yourself out loud, “I am choosing to experience these things and feel this way about it.”

To get out of your own way, you must simply become aware that you are the cause and the effect. This is not a blame game. This is an accountability game. When I get it that I am both cause and effect, I can then make a new, conscious choice, and then, with fearlessness, enjoy the journey.